Funny Joke

I was e-mailed this joke and thought it was funny, no offense DPT!! ( I don't want you and your killer eyes coming after me!!!)

THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY
After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have anymore children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative,"
said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me," said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count...
"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

Maybe we could get some of the idiots in Washington DC to do this!!

No Hippies allowed

Every one needs to go over to this Super Geeks blog!! He has a great blog and does such a good job!! Make him feel welcome!!

Bush was Right On!!

As everyone knows, Bush gave a speech today, to partly address the issue of the NSA wire tapping. Well, I watched the whole thing and my assessment is that he hit a homerun!! I think it was the best speech I have ever seen him give. He was comfortable, relaxed, funny, light on his feet. A lot of the speech centered around why we were in this war. The reasons we went to Afghanistan, and Iraq. He reiterated the line that if you harbor terrorists you are just as respondsible (sp) as the terrorist themselves! One great moment was when he spoke to the girls directly and reminded them of the freedom that we have and the freedom that the women of Afghanistan and Iraq now have!! He talked about how under Saddam if you spoke out against the government, you usually didn't make to the next week. It almost gave me goose bumps when he started talking about how Iraq is a budding democracy going through their own growing pains. Just like we have in our 200 plus history. Now I do think ours is the best model and that personally everyone's should be just like ours. But different cultures for different people I guess!! Oops, sorry when I start talking about our great Country I kinda get excited and start rambling! I just finished reading the Constitution (sp) and the bill of rights, also our Declaration of Independence. And while I was reading the Declaration, I started to realize that you could just about apply all the grievances we had against Britain, to the Iraqis against Saddam!! Amazing. Anyways there you have it! Don't we live in the greatest Country in the world!! VIVA LA USA!! USA!

Big ol' jet Airoliner...

I think that is the line in the song. Any ways, here I am sitting in the PDX airport waiting for my flight to Houston TX. They have wireless at this airport, that is sooo cool! If your airport doesn't have wireless, well your airport sucks!! Ha ha!! I sure hope it is warm there. Just as long as it is not raining! I think it has rained like 30 out of 31 days here. If my neighbor starts building an ark I know where I will be in about 10 days! I think I have seen animals going by my house 2 by 2!!

Is it just me or does anybody else think there was a reason for ABC to run the movie "Enemy of the State" during this time!? That movie paints the NSA as a loose cannon that goes around setting people up and wire tapping phone, putting cameras in your house, and even suggest murdering people!! Oh Yeah, they are a objective media outlet!! Why don't they just make a movie, that shows President Bush ordering the executions of innocent people! Oh wait, that was Saddam who did that!

Sorry to all you Denver fans but I'm pulling for a Pittsburg and Seahawks super bowl. The Bus has got to get his ring before he retires!! Besides you have to root for the steelers they represent everything american!! Hard working, smash mouth football!! The only kind!!! And you gotta root for a head coach with a face like this! I mean that is a game face!! Go Steelers!!

Have you ever noticed that people start looking alike that are from the same part of the country. Since I am flying to Texas, I bet when I am in KC for my connecting flight alot of the people on that flight will look like Texans. When I fly back home to Portland, the people will all look like they are from the Northwest. And that ain't a good thing. Usually they look like hippies and a few of them smell!! Or they will have on Columbia Sports wear. Which isn't really sports wear, because it's just hiking clothes. That's what is considered a sport here!! HIKING!!! You have got to be kidding me!! Hey, wait a minute, now I know why Mayor Tom "I'm a Moron" Potter didn't get behind the baseball team, because it isn't a hiking team. Oh man, I got to right the National Hiking League and get them to send a team right away so that we can stop pretending to be a big boy city and actually be one!! That is all Portland will every be, A MINOR LEAGUE CITY!! A pretend city! We just pretend to have major league sports, we just pretend to draw millions of visitors here. We just pretend to bring national tournaments here. Read millions into the economy when I say national tournaments! The people that run this city need to go!! Whew, I feel better now!!! Deep breaths, Deep Breaths.

One Marines View

Hey everybody, if you haven't already gone over and visited his site, please do! This is one great American making a difference in the life of those less fortunate that us!! Here you can see what is happening on the ground and not just what the MSM is telling people!! Make him feel welcome!!

Oops, I forgot. Just click on the title to go to his site! Duh! I'm such a moron sometimes!!

I can count on my fingers....

But, the guy who sold his finger to the Wendys digit bandits, can only count up to 9. And that is how many years Mrs. Ayala gets for her part in the "Finger Fraud Case". Her husband got 12 years. The judge in the case said, "...they had lost their moral compass.." I don't think they lost the compass, they just put the pointer in the chili. HA HA HA Whew, I kill myself!!! Mrs. Ayala said it was a moment of poor judgement. Moment??!! A moment is not that long lady!! Lets see (bullet time, just for Doc. Tony.)

• Buy finger from guy you work with
• decide to put it in a bowl of chili at Wendy's
• go to the Wendy's
• stuff the finger down into the chili
• eat enough chili to state that you have bitten into the finger

I believe that is a little more than a moment!! Actually, and you can help me with this Detective Wyatt, that sounds more like premeditated than anything. And what kind of mind do you have to have when you see a coworker lose a finger, and the thing that goes through your mind is, Hmmm, I bet if I give this guy 100 bucks I can turn that into millions, by sticking it into some chili and scamming Wendys!

I also just about can't believe that a court in California actually sided with a Corporation and not the supposed poor little victim!! Wow, maybe there is hope after all!!

I see dead tile!

Sorry folks for the no posting. I was helping my brother tile his kitchen and dining room all week. and then Saturday I helped him move. I was getting to bed around 2 am at night. And then getting up at 7 am to go to work. And at this late age of 37, I found that I can't do that 5 hrs a night sleep like I used to!

Anyways, I hate the city of Portland, and their mayor! We have another shot at getting MLB to Portland and I know we are going to blow it!! One guy said, " why is it everyone treats us like a second rate city?" DUH! It's because you run this city like a second rate city!! This city would rather sink hundreds of millions into a mass transit system that nobody rides. I know because everytime I see it there is nobody on it. And if I'm not mistaken, you can sign up and ride even if you don't have the money to. And any other liberal scatterbrained idea to help the quality of life for those that don't contribute to society or taxes! But try and bring in a sports team and WHAMO! you get hit with the liberal stick. I hate living here! (sorry dad)

I promise to have more posting later!

UT (Unnecessary Talking) Slip

When I was in School I had a teacher that gave these out if you were caught talking during class time. Of course if you got more that 3 in a week you had detention or something bad like, you had to kiss the teacher. And of course the teachers pets never received a UT slip! And I make one little slip up and POW! There is one sitting on my desk when I get back. But I digress, so my first person who gets a UT slip is.... Harry Belafonte!

What a total moron. Harry in his infinite wisdom has called our President, and I quote "No matter what the greatest tyrant in the world, the greatest terrorist in the world George Bush says...." Oh yeah, I saw that video of Pres. Bush sitting on the ground in a dirty white T-shirt telling his minions to blow themselves up in a crowd of innocent civilians, or the video of him shooting a AK-47 at his terrorist camp ( on a side note, that would be pretty cool seeing the Commander in chief shooting a M-16 , or a M249 SAW ), or even that one video of him beheading one of the captured workers. btw, Jimmy how do you like them guns!!!

Mmmm, that covers him as a terrorist, now how about a tyrant, lets see... Oh yeah, I forgot about that time He sent in the FBI to root out those people at Ruby ridge,... Oh no wait that was President Clinton, Oops my fault, wrong Tyrant. I'm sure there is a mass grave or two around here somewhere we can attribute to Pres. Bush, because there are all kinds of accounts of him gassing his own countryman. And I am sure there is a soccer field somewhere where we do our routine executions of the people that didn't vote for him, or disagree with him, and since he doesn't have any sons, I'm sure the twins have been running around chopping off fingers, pushing people off buildings, rooting families out of their beds at night and executing the father in front of the children.So you Harry Belafonte should stick to what you are good at. And that is singing. That's all!

One Month Anniversary

Hey one month and still kicking! Whoo Hoo! Okay now what?! How about more posting!! I will get right on it!! First though, since this blog is about being First, I want to thank every one who has stopped by and commented this month! You guys are totally awesome and have made me feel so welcome in this blogger family!! I think I am going to cry! J/K!! I want to especially thank all of you that have helped me with this work in progress!! You guys and gals are so helpful and glad to help!! Thanks again!! Oh yeah, and thanks to Wyatt. Because we all know what will happen if I don't mention him by name, what with his fragile phsyche and all!! Besides he might call the Vancouver detective, I am sure we only have one, and tell them to investigate me for something!! And while I am at it, I want to thank CaptB., and all those in the military, active and retired, for their service to our Country. We can't Thank you enough!!

Trojans get "hooked" by longhorns

The undefeated USC Trojans are undefeated no more. Those boys from Texas put a 4th quarter last 6 minute whooping on those boys from So Cal. But I blame it all on Pete Carroll (sp?) for not punting on that last drive. Instead of going only 55 yards, they would have at least had to go 80 yards, and I don't think there was enough time to do it! They barely made it only 55 with 19 seconds to spare. Give your defense every possible yard to work with. Anyways, big congrats to all you Texas Longhorn fans and Alum. You are our College National Champions!

This and that

I'm sorry for the light posting, er non existent posting is closer to the truth! I had the inlaws over and everything was crazy. Here are some observations:

Former DC Mayor "I was set up" Barry robbed at gun point : How's it feel you Looooser! Now get in jail where you belong!!

Baby Noor gets some help : Apperently somebody in the Bush adm. forgot to tell the troops that they are only supposed to scare and harass the locals at all hours of the night, instead of getting medical treatment to Iraqi babies!

Penn. school board shows no Intelligence : Can somebody tell my how teaching "Intelligent Design" is establishing a state religion?

Mini cows for your backyard : Do they leave mini cow pies too?

Gas went up 4 cents last week: Hey, I got gas last night for 1.95, coming home tonight it was 1.99! Something is fishy here!!! How does gas go up 4 cents in one afternoon!!

And Norv made 7 : Do the teams really think a new head coach is really the answer!