Thursday, July 27, 2006

Dog days of summer

Man I am missing my wife! It's only been 2 weeks and 2 days and 15 hours and 32 minutes and 15 sec, no 16 sec, 17 sec, anyways you get what I mean! Man at first I was like any other red blooded male! Whooo Hoooo Party time! All by myself with no responsibility except going to work on time. I could come home when I wanted, eat what I want, watch what I want, do what I want. The life of Reilly! Well screw that! I'm dying here! Where are my funny children, my awesome beautiful wife?! This sucks and I got 3 more weeks to go!! That's like an eternity man! If I could just smack a hippie everyonce in a while it would be a little bit better! And all these cold showers are getting to me! I need my wife, if you know what I mean?! wink wink nudge nudge! Oooh nudge nudge! Aww man there I go again! Well what are you gonna do?!

I recieved an e-mail from Tiff yesterday. Everything is good where she is at in Afghanistan. Here NCO hooked her up with soldiers angel but Tiff had her take her off since she doesn't have time to even write her family! I told her that was cool but at least send me her address so I could send her stuff! She also wanted me to thank everyone that sent her well wishes from my blog. I sent her all your comments. She said it was greatly appreciated. Hopefully soon she will have time to write some. She said it has been pretty hot there, 120 to 130! Man, I'll quit complaining about 90 degrees!

Am I the only one who hasn't seen Michelle Malkin on youtube? I found her video "give jihad a chance" Man it was funny! There are a few more too! So cool! Check them out if you get the chance! Well now I have to go take another cold shower! bye for now!

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Ack! I've been Memmed!

3 things that scare me:

1. The thought of Helen Thomas naked!
2. My oldest Son turned 15 yrs old, and I have so much to teach him!
3. That in Nov of 2008 we may have a Democrat Pres.

3 people that make me laugh:

1. Aaron my youngest son
2. Comedian john pinette
3. those videos of idiots trying to do stunts and smacking themselves!

3 things that I hate most:

1. Liberals mentality
2. people that hurt children!
3. the feminazation of men

3 things I don’t understand:

1. computers
2. how somebody can be so stupid but still be alive
3. how when a drunk driver gets in an accident and the other person dies but not the drunk

3 things I am doing right now:

1. Sweating like a dog!
2. memming a memm!
3. wishing my wife wasn't 2000 miles away!

3 things I want to do before I die:

1. Play golf in Scotland and England
2. see my grandchildren
3. shoot a 70 in golf!

3 things I can do:

1. beat Joecool and Pinhead at golf
2. fix just about anything mechanical, computers not so much
3.make my wife smile

3 ways to describe my personality:

1. Loud
2. schizo, no not really, but maybe
3. open minded (yeah right!)

3 things I can’t do:

1. fix a computer
2. keep my thoughts to myself
3. be nice to a hippie

3 things I think you should listen to:

1. God
2. your mom
3. your children

3 things you should never listen to:

1.the libs
2. the media
3. your brother when he says this won't hurt at all

3 absolute favorite foods: What only 3!!!

1. small people! their like finger food!
2. My wife's baked beans (sorry mom)
3. My mom's tacos!!!

3 things I’d like to learn:

1. how a baby could have just milk yet have the nastiest diaper you ever seen! Or smelled!
2. how to work a computer better
3. other than those 2, nothing else, I know the rest!

3 beverages I drink regularly:

2. Milk
3. $3.00 coffee!!! (I love that stuff JT!)

3 shows I watched as a kid:

1. Happy Days
2. Battlestar Gallactica
3. Hee Haw

3 people I am tagging:

1. my little brother Fitch
2. Damian
3. Katey

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Funny Joke for today

Bubba and Billy Joe are walking down the street in Atlanta, and they see a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $5.00 each! , shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 each. "

Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Joe, Look here! We could buy a whole gob of these, take'em back to Sand Mountain, sell 'em to our friends, and make a fortune. Just let me do the talkin' 'cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and not wanna sell that stuff to us. Now, I'll talk in a slow Georgia drawl so's they don't know we is from Mississippi."

They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Georgia drawl, "I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and..."

The owner of the shop interrupts, "Ya'll from South Mississippi, ain't ya?" "Well...yeah," says a surprised Bubba...."How come you knowed that?" "

Because this is a dry cleaners

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Cool Tires!

Has anyone seen these yet? Maybe Tyler. Anyways somebody sent me these pics in an e-mail. Man, I think those are cool!

Sunday, July 16, 2006

I got your list right chere!

While minding my own business, being as innocent as can be. Somebody decided to blindside me with a most heinous and vicious attack! So instead of listening to the splodytards and trying to appease this despot, I am going to be true to my neo-con ways and nuke his sorry butt!

10 filthy lies and half truths about my despot freind the Detective:

10. After taking too many of the little blue pills, Wyatt's new name around the precinct was Detective Smurf! La La La LA la la!

9. While arresting a hippie, old granny, Wyatt got his butt whipped and lost his "weapon"

8. While sunbathing on Jersey Shore the glare off of Wyatt's legs was seen by the International Space Station!

7. During the Philly PD backround check, they found Wyatt was the head of the Philly Nambla Chapter

6. Before creating SYLG, Wyatt was a regular contributor to Daily Kos

5. One time Wyatt slipped his grandma the tounge!

4. Wyatt uses a phone book to see out of the squad car

3. It was supposed to be a foursome but Helen and Ruth said he was too stinking ugly

2. Wyatt secretly likes the pictures of Tom Selleck instead of Danica!

And the number 1 filty lie and half truth about Wyatt is:

1. When asked to be the poster boy for E.D. (erectile dysfunction) he told them he just wasn't "up" for it!

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Hippies Smell and Don't Shave

So there I was, no poo poo, (I totally ripped this off from DPT, but I felt like I could use it since I've been such a road warrior these last three weeks) in my seat, on the plane waiting for all the cattle to sit down in their seats so we could take off. I say cattle because I was flying on Southwest. The cattle flying company, at least that is what I feel like everytime I board one of their planes! So I am sitting their trying to expand out as much as possible and look as mean as possible so that no one will sit with me! As I look around at the people, scouting for what I consider could be terrorist. Anybody that doesn't look like an American gets the stinky eye from me! I'm already picking out targets before we even leave the gate. Okay, that guy might be one. If he even looks funny or if his eyes start to roll back into his head, I'm going to hit him so hard he will call me Allah and ask about his virgins! Because he is going to think he is dead!

I look to my right across the isle from me and low and behold there sits I think, a woman of the night. At least that is what she looked like. Her bosom was about to fall out of this dress that looked 2 sizes too small, and she was sitting with this guy that had to be paying for it. Short fat and balding (no offense Detective }:) Heh heh! And this guy just keeps staring at her breasts. It was like the flight attendant walks up and asks him, "would you like something to drink?" With out his eyes leaving the breasts he says, "yeah can I have some milk, I mean, coke" Moron!

But it turns out Southwest has overbooked the flight! Imagine that! So what do I behold walking down the isle toward me but, Pippi Longstocking! That's right a red haired hippie with clothes that are just tattered to no end and look soo dirty! She is carrying a front tire and wheel to a bike as her carry-on luggage. She promptly puts her bike tire in the overhead compartment and says to me, "is that seat taken?" I said, "No, but you have to have deodorant on to sit in that seat" Not really, I didn't say that, I just wanted to! So since the flight attendant makes me get up and let her in, I stand up and as she pushes by I almost faint! And that takes a lot to knock this guy over, She stinks like BO! Ugh! As she sat down a little child behind us said, "Mommy, where is the skunk?" You should have seen the eyes of the whore sitting across from me it was a sight! So we back away from the gate, get up in the air and about an hour into the flight, Pippi decides that she is hot now and wants to take off her tattered, patches at the elbow, tweed jacket. This is where I almost loose it! Underneath the jacket she is wearing 2 tank tops or maybe they where short sleeved shirts that used to have sleeves but the stank ate the sleeves off, I don't know. But every time she moved here comes a wave of BO! I'm telling you people are looking around and going what is that smell! I look over as she gets the jacket off, and WHAMO! Out comes the arm pit hair! And I'm not talking about some fine hair that you can't see until she lifts her arms. She looked like she had Ronald McDonald under each arm! I think once while I was trying to choke down my peanuts, something shot out of her arm pit and stole my peanuts! Must have been a rodent or something! So I start looking around for away to get rid of her! It must have been the altitude, because I remember thinking I I could just break out the window it would suck her nasty rearend out and then I could plug the hole with my belly until we landed! Stupid flight attendants! If they would have just listened they would have understood what I meant! Man those restraint straps hurt! I think I still have bruises on my arms! Anyways, Since Southwest wouldn't let me get rid of another hippy, Portland just got one hippy bigger! I hate this city! And that was my flight home!

Monday, July 10, 2006


On vacation in Missouri! Or should I say Misery! Its like 98% humidity and about 80 degrees today. Oh well I guess I will just have to go golfing! Whoo Hoo! I will leave you with this nice little joke from my uncle!

Boudreaux, the Baptist

Boudreaux, a Cajun highlander from Rapides Parish in central Louisiana, was an older, single gentleman, who was born and raised a Baptist, now living in South Louisiana. Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. Now, all of Boudreaux's neighbors were Catholic... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Fridays. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The priest came to visit Boudreaux, and suggested that Boudreaux convert to Catholicism. After several classes and much study, Boudreaux attended Mass... And, as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist and raised a Baptist, but now you are Catholic."

Boudreaux's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The neighbors called the priest immediately and, as he rushed into Boudreaux's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped in amazement and watched. There stood Boudreaux, clutching a small bottle of water, which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat, and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, and you wuz raised a deer, but now you a catfish."

Monday, July 03, 2006

Happy 4th of July

This is one of my favorite holidays! It is all American! I don't have to share it with any other nationality! Either you celebrate it as an American or you don't celebrate! It doesn't matter what color you are, either you are American or not! Our ancestors fought the British for the right to our own Country and our own laws! Our own Constitution and Bill of Rights!! We fought as one with one purpose, and that was to overthrow the tyrannical government that did not have the welfare of it's citizens in mind! Sometimes I wonder if we don't need to do something like that now! Maybe, not an all out war with the government, but a war with the elections. Get people out to vote that think like we do. Get them to the polling places. Make our voices heard. Get our message out! Less Government and More Freedoms! Quit stifling my right to worship as I choose! How to raise my children! To teach my children about a God that teaches us to love one another! Yet, still I have a right as a US citizen to protect myself and my family! And if that means the ownership of guns than by all means, sign me up! They fought for our right to go to the store and purchase what I want, when I want! They fought for my right to travel to where I want, when I want! They fought for my right to eat where I want, and when I want! Heh, I like that one! As we celebrate this most awesome day in our Country's history, let us remember those who fought so that we might have these freedoms! What an Awesome Country!! Happy Fourth of July Every one! And Happy Birthday America!!! USA! USA! USA! USA!